


Aftershock

by OrmondSacker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 21:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: Though Finn has rejected the First Order, he cannot escape the scars they've left on him.





	Aftershock

There are sound that, even years after the war has ended and peace been restored to the galaxy, will send Finn’s heart racing, make his stomach clench up and fear spark beneath his skin, making him want to do nothing more than escape in that moment. Just as there is a certain tone of voice, a cold precise diction, that will do the same.

He knows the First Order is gone, that the cannot harm him or anyone again. He knows that Phasma is dead, he killed her, watched her fall into the flames of the destroyed ship. But knowing that does nothing when the panic digs its claws into him.

 

And he hates snow. Not because it’s cold, though he dislikes chill too, but because it is white. Not just any white, he likes the yellow white of cream that looks as soft as it tastes and the shimmering, greyish white of pearls. No, snow is the same hard, heartless white color of Stormtrooper armor and First Order blaster rifles. It makes his skin crawl and he has to suppress a visceral distaste when he sees it, and it always turns his stomach.

 

He feels the same way about a specific shade of red.

Fire and flames, the way they flicker and causes shadows, the crackling of burning things brings with them memories of blaster fire and the stench of charred flesh.

 

There are so many things the First Order has destroyed for him, so many simple pleasures that Finn fears are forever ruined. A snowball fight, a romantic evening in front of the fireplace will forever be tainted by the memories of what the First Order forced on him.

His therapist suggested that he’d have to find peace with it, to accept what happened. At the time he’d made a non-committal sound and moved on to another topic, but inside he had wanted to scream: **_Do you know what you ask of me! Have you heard a single word I’ve said to you?_**

The first time he talks to Poe about it, about his distaste for snow, he fears he’ll get a similar comment from him. But instead Poe gives him a soft, heartful look, presses a gentle kiss against Finn’s cheek and whispers “I know” into his ear.

And when the weight of the memories grows to great and leaves him despondent and shaking with the enormity of it all Poe will sit with him, close enough that Finn can feel his presence though his eyes are squeezed shut, but not so close that they touch as every nerve in Finn’s body has become too sensitive and any touch is overwhelming. He’ll sit by Finn in silence until Finn calms himself enough, grounds himself enough, that he can reach out and take Poe’s hand. Then Poe will tangle their fingers together and, still saying nothing, carefully place their joined hands between them and just hold on to Finn


End file.
